Your Life Sparkles

What a crazy time. I know you all feel it. You're watching your date, your changing your plans, your worried about parents, guests, venues. It's ok to feel sad. It's ok to feel more than sad. When milestones- like a wedding- get changed, cancelled or altered, there's a certain grief that sets in.

That's ok. You are not alone, it hurts and it's not how you wanted the lead up to your wedding day to go. I know. I get it. It's not how I wanted it, either.

It's important to keep your eye on what matters. Your love for one another. The community of love that surrounds you. Everyone understands. And we will get through this. It may not be how you wanted it to look, and that's hard. Weddings take so much to plan, dream and create. It's big.

But when the dust settles, and we can safely celebrate, it will happen. Changes will happen- different date, different venue, some guests who won't be able to make it now. But the day will come, and you will handle it all with love- and you will be there to hold each other up along the way.

By Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino, Beth Caldwell & Kris Fuller

Navigating the unknown isn’t new. Generally speaking, we’re all constantly navigating the unknown as people, whether it is a new job or class we take, new baby we bring home and more. We’re constantly maneuvering through change.

Just last month, Elizabeth and her husband were in California toodling around wine country and then were in North Carolina for college baseball. Suddenly, the next week they were seeing the news heat up, getting kids from closed colleges, changing work meetings, conferences and schedules and more.

In other cases, Kris Fuller just received news that her husband Ben has stage 4 colon cancer.

2019 was a very tough year for Beth Caldwell and her family. Her infant nephew died tragically on July 1st due to a physician's mistake. The family experienced five additional deaths over the next 4 months, stretching their resiliency to the absolute limits.

So, the Coronavirus has added another layer of even more unexpected stress.

Emotions, and in particular, anxiety and stress levels, are through the roof right now as we navigate through 2020 and the novel Coronavirus. So very often change we take on is like a personal quest, such as getting in better shape or changing jobs, however, current events are having us react and respond both individually and collectively in new and different ways.

During these times of change, what are you percolating into the world?

Here are eight tips we have for developing emotional resilience to help navigate stressful situations:

Practice pausing. In this case, we may need to pause for humanity. Life has issued a pause for many of us and it is important to perhaps build your energy as you may find yourself needing it. A pause means you allow yourself to take a break, take moments and recharge. Remember, a pause may be big or small.

Understand your leadership style - You may be in a situation where your job is to calm others who may not be so calm. How stressed and tested you are will come out in a variety of ways, so it is important to be mindful in these situations. As Beth Caldwell reminds us in her book, Women, LEAD!, the way we handle a crisis is by those around us. Most people have never faced a threat this extensive. They feel uncertain and afraid. Recognize that they need compassion and empathy as much as direction. It's critically important right now that you stay grounded and use your leadership skills to rally others toward a sense of combined purpose rather than furthering the isolation they are already experiencing.

Understand how changes are made - Generally, we are in the driver's seat with change. It's a healthier style of life or job change and we choose it. In many cases, though change is not something we've chosen. Many people currently already have an issue playing in the background, such as an underlying condition or financial crisis already brewing. Add in this virus and now suddenly multiple issues are playing out. The virus may have even caused a change you didn't want, such as a job loss for example. We process through the 9 steps of change written in Percolate - Let Your Best Self Filter Through regularly. In this case, with Point 1- Awareness – We’re probably all plenty aware of the virus, however most of us will process fluidly though points 1-9 of how we make change and changing the order of the steps and revisiting them. How we all process change right now matters in the way we behave, for example through these seven other points listen in this blog. Whatever changes you are faced with it can be important to find your footing in gratitude, compassion and collaboration.

Connect and Collaborate. Our usual lives are very disrupted right now. Many of the things we once did have changed. It is possible to have that sense of community and collaboration in other ways. Time to get creative. From virtual classrooms to more virtual meetings and more, there are so many great creative and helpful examples on social media platforms, ideas to support one another, to share truths and share joy as well. We write this next line with the understanding that things might not be very funny where you are. If you are a person who uses humor to cope: Even memes are finding their way in this environment. We use shared humor to make it through.

Rest, Relax and Routine. It's important to establish a routine of some kind, especially if you have children. I know, for example, our college kids are completely thrown off their routine. As are working parents, children in preschools - high school and beyond. We all must find a new normal right now and are called upon and calling upon each other to adjust with your routine to include rest, relaxation and routine. Please remember to be kind to yourself and practice self-care. Tired parents cannot teach tired kids, so it's ok if you just love them through it. Allow movies, forts and naps to be ok. Allow yourself to be lower in productivity, if needed.... remember... YOU are important too. Take care of you.

Reframe the situation with gratitude. This is a tough one, especially as we see so many things changing all at once, we’re all doing our best to process extreme changes that include even business closures, illness, and worse. It is possible to have the worst of circumstances and seek out positive energy to change your approach to situations. You might need to practice this line of thinking as it may not come naturally. To start we strongly recommend journaling or blogging.

Here is a journal exercise: How can we be grateful in these moments? Please think about this question for yourself and consider starting a specific gratitude journal for these moments or expand on what you have written already.

Be Patient With Yourself and Others. People's response in crisis varies from person to person and moment to moment. Please be patient with yourself and others. We're all in new territory together and please practice kindness, compassion, and understanding in our moments. Especially if you are confined to your home with others. Temper disturbances.

Practice self-care. This is a moment where it is important to be as healthy as you can be, in case you fall ill especially. If you are not in your best physical or emotional health, it might be a moment where you consider using the pause created by this situation to implement better self-care. Physical and emotional well-being are carefully intertwined, so both could be addressed. We see great videos of people exercising in their homes, taking walks and reminding us all to eat as best we can in these moments. The same holds for your emotional well-being. You might even be feeling creative. is it a dance party in the living room with the cat? A bake off with the kids? Put a challenge out to others in your world.

Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino

Elizabeth Hamilton Guarino is one of America's most trusted mindset, leadership, and personal & corporate development consultants. As the Founder and CEO of Best Ever You and Compliance4, Elizabeth has helped thousands around the globe be their best and achieve world-class excellence. Elizabeth is the author of PERCOLATE - Let Your Best Self Filter Through and contributor to A Lesson for every Child: Learning About Food Allergies

ElizabethGuarino.com

Beth Caldwell

Beth Caldwell is the author of more than ten books on leadership, inspiration, and personal development. She believes that women CAN do it all, just not at the same time. She is the founder and creator of the SHIFT Program and Leadership Academy for Women. She is the former host of the popular WebTV Show Smart Leadership and currently hosts a motivational weekly broadcast called Monday Morning Mastermind.

Kris Fuller

Kris Fuller is keynote speaker, business coach, and event planner, Kris is known for her mindset philosophies and meticulous planning. Kris is an author with Waldorf Publishing and the CEO of Your Life Sparkles. Kris is a graduate of the University of Alberta (Bachelor of Education), University of Sedona (Bachelor of Metaphysics) and certification from the Palouse Center for Mindfulness. She also holds a Performance Diploma from Red Deer College and Gifted Mind Series from Oxford Brookes University in the UK.

Mad, Sad or Glad Mindset

Your mindset is key. Your brain is amazing (of course it is, tucked right inside the REST of the amazing body of yours!). When we think of mindset, we think of the power to change your mood, change your outlook.

Growing up, our mom would hand out horrible, unattainable tasks such as ‘make your bed’ or ‘vacuum the living room’ (she was a monster) and in our grumblings to get them done, she would say, ‘It doesn’t matter HOW you do it… as long as it gets done. You can do it ‘mad, sad or glad’- that is up to you. But if you do it ‘glad’ you will feel happier, and, heaven forbid, you may even feel good about yourself while doing it. You might even be proud to be part of a beautiful clean house. Over the years, I can’t say I have always done dishes with a smile on my face, but it stays in my mind. The choice is mine. Even with small tasks. Choose ‘Glad’, as often as you can…. You have the power.

Keep sparkling, 

Kris

 1. You Own Your Happiness 

Only you can do that! Your partner can enhance the happiness that you nurture in yourself, but it is not their job to make you happy. If you rely on them for happiness it becomes a burden. Make sure you take the responsibility yourself. It starts with adopting a mindset that happiness is a choice, meaning you give yourself the power to create happiness for yourself. The only person you can change is you. Let gratitude enter your heart and mind and choose happiness now.

2. Independence is important 

Keep your own activities and your own friends. Spend a healthy time apart doing your own thing. It’s unhealthy to let your relationship absorb your identity - you both matter as individuals and a little space is great. 

3. See what Others See in You 

When you describe a best friend, how easy is it to go on and on about how wonderful they are? Or talking about how amazing your partner is. Imagine if you could do that for yourself! That is key. Hold on to compliments, believe the beautiful things others say about you. You mean the world to your people in your circle. Embrace it, and believe it. 

4. Allow Yourself to Be Human.

We all have our flaws. Some things can be ignored; others might be something you want to work on. Either way, don’t let it get you down or get in the way of self-love. Recognising flaws is a natural part of a relationship; it doesn’t mean you are a terrible person or that you are unlovable, it just means that you are human.

5.Love is an Action 

Decide to act in a self-loving way. Make time to nurture yourself and fulfill your own needs. Make sure you are getting time for you everyday. This can be simple activites, like morning meditation, going the yoga, reading or enjoying a cup of coffee. Be mindful about it- if you let these moments or activities slip away without recognising 'this is for me and I am important', then the benefits will add up. 

hugs from Kris

Choose a Black out Week every month.

That is one week where you do ZERO spending. 

Not one cup of coffee, no impulse buys. Tell your friends 'no' to a lunch. Start with small training so you can manage your money better. I am even filling up with gas on Saturday so I can get through the week with a zero spend. 

For me, its often $9 here and $12 there that adds up. When I am in my blackout week, it keeps my mind on my money. It really makes me think about it. My goal is to sharpen my spending, resist my impulses and realise that the little amounts add up... faster than I realise. 

This training makes it easier for me to start to say 'no' to other times and other things. I realised I had a large entitlement feeling attached to things I bought- I deserved a new bathing suit, I needed new shoes, I could justifiy buying almost anything. Well, it was on sale, I hardly ever treat myself, it was only $16!

So many reasons to just buy it... when I need to shift to, 'what are the reasons to not buy it?' I don't need it, it's still money going out, does it align with my values and future goals. 

Small steps, big impact. Try a blackout week next month and see how it feels.  

Hugs from Kris 

Once you have been working at your business, it can start to take over. The daily tasks and how busy you actually are can really hit! 

Getting the word out about your business is constant. Planning is key for me. I MAKE time to plan my next month ahead- this planning includes the next growth steps. Marketing dollars are often small when you start, you don't want to overextend yourself too soon. But there are plenty of ways to market your business and get the word out. Here are 4 ideas to start with: 

1. Facebook Group - use your group to leverage friends, ask for invites BUT make sure your group is providing value in your posts. People will not care if you are just selling. You have to engage them - use creative questions, share jokes, ask yourself, 'What would I want to follow in this group?' 

2. Talk about it! This seems simple, but we often miss chances at the coffee shop, grocery store and soccer night. You have a business you are excited about- let other know. If they are really interested, they will continue the conversation. If it ends up being 'polite small talk', that is just fine! YOU still did it. You shared it. 

3. Put up posters in local coffee shops- lots have community boards- put up a poster or postcard. People parouse them when they get their condiments and it's a low-cost way to get the word out. 

4. Join the Conversations- find other businesses like yours on social media. Follow and engage with them. Create a support network of like-minded professionals. Most people want to help. We like offering advice and supporting one another. 

5. Facebook Page- post daily. Make a plan to do 1x a day. Vary your post, but keep it going. 

Keeping romance alive can be simple and fun! When I talk with couples about their romance slipping away, I like to review some of the simple things that can bring it back.

1. Take turns planning dates. This way one partner isn’t doing all the planning and organizing. It's nice to have someone take care of all the decisions and details! 

2. Show your appreciation every day. Ask yourself: 'What can I do to celebrate my partner today?' Those little words, compliments, kindness- they can go a long way. Smile when you see your partner! Every day, share your beautiful smile with them. 

3. Surprise your partner. Small surprises can impact your day- this can be a note in a lunch, a video text or sweet voice message. Something small, but that you don't often do. It shows that you care and it will make your partner smile. 

4. Plan a 'Just Us' time. Choose a night of the week, and commit to it. Even if it's a night in, spend it together on the couch- talk about why you love each other and celebrate the relationship you have. Remember what sparked your love! Talk about your memories and good times. 

5. Mix things up. Routines are par for the course in a long-term relationship. Try a new restaurant, take a class together, do an activity you haven't tried before. Check out 'Things to Do' in your local area and just go for it! Even if something is not as you expected, it could end up be a fond memory and that's what life is built on. 

6. 60 second hugs! I love these so much. Just silently hug for 60 seconds, and notice how good it feels. Your bodies connect and you feel that love and safety in your connection. As the hug goes on, you allow yourself to 'just breath' BUT doing this with your partner can be so effective. And it only takes ONE MINUTE. 

Hugs from Kris 

1. Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.

2. When you've made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, "I was wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

3. Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important than your schedule.

Hugs from Kris 

1. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you've given your best to everyone else.

2. Don't put your marriage on hold while you're raising your kids or else you'll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

3. Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.

Hugs from Kris 

1. Realize that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It's usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.

2. Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it's nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it.

3. Remember that marriage isn't 50/50— divorce is 50/50. Marriage has to be 100/100. It's not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they've got.